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Why am I so passionate about stopping bullying?

 Every single hair on the back of my neck stood up.

I trembled in what felt kind of like post traumatic stress as I saw his face. I’d taken Muriel to get repaired that morning. 

Muriel was my little blue Fiat 126, named after my almost blind, eccentric Great Aunt. She sold it to me when even her maximum magnification 1 inch thick glasses couldn’t make her a safe driver. At 5.30pm I popped round to collect her. 

The mechanic came through with my keys. I saw his face. H *** S***! It was him. No shadow of a doubt. The same sullen expression, the same stooped shoulders, the same simmering anger. The person who had made a dismal rainy week the worst seven days of my life. The nasty piece of work in charge of our tent on my first Scout Camp. 

I was 11 and the youngest boy in the tent. He was the eldest, the Patrol Leader. He singled me out all week for emotional torture because I made mistakes, went to a different school, didn't drink tea. And for all sorts of other silly reasons. My world got terrifying.

Whenever I messed up, He made me kneel on the wet grass and repeat after him "I am a stupid piece of worthless f****** s***." I never told anyone. So no-one could help me. You know your child is being bullied. 

That’s a good thing. 

Despite how painful that is. 

Because knowing about it means you can do something about it.

You can stop the bullying. 

You can ease their pain. 

And yours.

And I’m here to help you do that.  

Getting Over Bullying

Mums and dads of bullied children often tell me that they were bullied when they were younger. 

On one hand they can empathise with their child because they've been in their unenviable position. 

On the another hand if they're still troubled by what happened they're not best placed to help their son or daughter. The fact that their child is now being picked on brings shocking memories flooding back. This affects their ability to help their child through the bullying.

Children have a built-in lie detector that means they see right through someone who SAYS everything's going to be ok but who's still haunted by past bullying. They're likely to take their parent's cue and suffer much more. And much longer.

That's why in these cases I need to start by helping the parent get over their past bullying. That puts them in a much better position to be able to be a role model for their child. So how do I do that? Well it's a little tricky to put into words. It has to be experienced. It's a bit like riding a bike. You can hear all the instructions from your parent but it doesn't click until it clicks. Reading a set of instructions doesn't work either. You don't ride a bike until you do. So I can't give you a set of instructions on how to do it. Much as I'd like to! My background is publishing. My mission is to stop bullying wrecking family's lives. If I could write a book on how to do that I would. I have written a book on the practical side of stopping the bullying happening. As for the emotional side, stopping the bullying hurting, that's got to be experienced. Luckily we have great technology to do that via Facetime etc so I work across the world on my mission to help families. Have a look at https://www.bully-proof.com to get a free video and find out more.

The Most Important Thing For A Bullied Child To See

I was bullied for having protruding or  buck teeth.

Ratty. Ratty Boy. Rodent. Bugsy.

Just some of the nasty names I was called.

I was bullied because I went to the wrong school, didn't drink tea and made mistakes.

Bullies always make the bullying about us.

We're too tall.

We're too small.

We're too fat.

We're too thin.

Our hair is the wrong colour.

Our glasses make us geeky, stupid or a swot.

We start to believe there's something wrong with us.

We take it personally.

But it's never actually about us.

It's about what's going on for the bully. 

They're insecure so they can try and put us down so they can build themselves up.

They're angry so they take it out on us.

They're weak so they want to look strong.

Bullied children need to see this.

Not know it a good idea.

But really SEE it for themselves.

The best way to do this is to coach them with questions.

NOT try and feed them information.

Get them thinking about what's going on for the bully.

So how do you do that?

Think about what you want your child to think.

Then think about the question that will get them there.

If you want help on this please call me by clicking on the blue button.

I help parents to stop their children being bullied and make them bully-proof so bullies CANNOT upset them.
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